Working Mother - desperate to find balance

So much to do before leaving for Relevant conference on Thursday morning. I come home Monday night to 2 kids anxious to see me. Elbows to my pregnant tummy, feet to my chin, tumbling over my lap, over each other, back and forth in an attempt to gain sole access to my lap. Sam wins igniting a stand off with sister glaring furiously at me, spouting her anger at being left out, I try to make room for her but it’s all or nothing. She get’s a time out for her anger and a talk to by dad. She returns apologetic as I move Sam into my left side and ask her to sit on my right. Defiant, she wants the left side. Exhaustion sets in. Husband calls for me to cut the avocado for dinner and I gladly leave the ruckus behind.

The boy trails, clinging to me for dear life. I say, you must be hungry and put him in his chair. He howls for me as I leave. We finally eat dinner as a family and get the kids in bed before 8.

The next morning I determine is my last chance to make muffins before leaving for the conference. I plow through my new recipe of pumpkin apple muffins without joy, they must be done, I need to take them with me so I have a snack for the trip. No time tonight or tomorrow. The mix is too thick, I haven’t used enough pumpkin, I try to compensate and end up taking too long, running late, shower, get ready for work. Husband tries to help by packing lunch but suddenly runs out to move the van for painters who have shown up on time at 8 to paint our condo.

I realize muffins must be done because timer is off. Just as I pull them out a little boy runs near. Panic, did he almost touch the open oven? How long did the muffins over bake? Still have to pack lunch. The little boy clings to me as I fret. Husband returns to help me finish packing stuff for work. I wave a dismal goodbye, caught up in another world.

During lunch I read Ann’s “Velveteen Mother” and I finally get beyond the cobwebs of work and list of things to do before weekend trip. I finally realize my kids really need me and sometimes when I’m home, I am far away in my head. It’s so hard to turn off this working mind. Sad that I have counseled others to the importance of taking captive every thought but I’m the first to fail at this when challenged.

End of the day comes way to fast, I haven’t printed the files my husband needs for his court case on Friday, I haven’t gone back to Office Depot to pick up my business cards and work looms bigger than when I started the day.

I finally leave work at 7pm, such a long day. I left this morning at 8:30am. I drive directly into a beautiful sunset with the most amazing one point perspective. Lovely image from the greatest artist of all, our heavenly father. Deep breath, leave work behind and go to join my children, husband and mother-in-law at the restaurant where I will surrender my phone and enjoy their company.