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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Anxiety Attacks

I've had 3 since Sam was born 3 months ago.  Today's wasn't the worst but what concerns me is how frequently they are happening.  The previous one was last Tuesday.  All brought on by an overwhelming amount of responsibility.  Most days I shoulder everything quite well but I've been getting extremely tired lately.  I sit at work yawning all day long.  I never feel rested in the morning even when I get 8 hours of sleep.  I'm sure being tired is contributing to inability to handle things as well.

My mom used to tell us we were going to give her a nervous breakdown.  I now know how she felt.  My heart races, my focus dims, I feel like running away.  Last Tuesday I couldn't even go to work so I went to Target and did a function of my job that involves checking out what the competition is putting out for Christmas.  Today I did the same, only at Walmart but my panic worsened when I realized my lunch was sitting in the car so I couldn't stay very long.  Then I had forgotten something very important so it didn't even matter that I was at Walmart because I couldn't finish what I needed to do.

I wanted to come home and cry at 5 but my husband was freaking out about the kids so I had to suck it up and take over while he went to work.

I wanted to go to church but Sam was freaking out so I had to get him calmed down.  Then Charlotte misbehaved all evening until Sam went to sleep and I could finally focus on her.

I still need to do work which means calling Asia around 10pm but all I want to do is sleep.  And Sam should eat again because he last ate at 6:30 but I'm going to let him sleep and I'm going to go get a few hours of sleep before I call Asia.  I'm so tired.

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