I should be sleeping right now, it's midnight but I can't lay there one minute longer roving through memories of high school and college life. I blame scrap booking friend who reminded me on Facebook of a trip taken to an amusement park. Before going to bed I searched through boxes of photos to find that one picture of her on the bus. While looking I found photos of me with grandfather, with father, first college roommate, really cool projects that I made in art school - every photo has a story and it's a beautiful history but for someone who has recently developed insomnia it's maddening because it feels like there is no ending in sight.
I'm almost through a bottle of sleeping pills that work really well if I take them one hour before I want to sleep. So well that I've struggled to brush my teeth before bed because I'm so tired I think I might pass out while brushing, so well that when the baby woke up as I was going to bed that as I began to rock her back to sleep I panicked that I might fall dead asleep, rushed out to find husband and basically threw her into his arms while saying I'm about to sleep I can't hold her!!! The following morning these memories are really hazy but husband reminds me they did happen. The following day I always feel a bit sluggish throughout the day so this really isn't an ideal scenario. I really should try to resolve this insomnia without drugs but I need to work tomorrow and so on and so on.