Random Tuesday: Bedtime script - I think we are ready for own reality show

INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT

Two parents, struggling to get three children to sleep.  One sits in the corner rocker with a quiet one year old while the other alternates cuddles with the older siblings.

SAM

PBBBBRT! (noise)

MOM

No Sam, stop that.

SAM   

PBBBBBBBBRT! (noise)

MOM

Saaaaam!

SAM

Moooom!

MOM  

One more Poot and I’m leaving.

SAM

GIGGLES, Moooomm, GIGGLES

15 seconds of silence, parents hold their breath in the hopes that it will all be over soon.

SAM

PBBBBRT! (noise)

MOM

Stop it!

SAM   

Stop it!  GIGGLES

MOM

You’re such a two year old

DAD

Sam, no, that’s not nice.

SAM   

TOOT.  He he.  GIGGLE

MOM  

Stop it!

Sam:   

Stop it.

MOM

You little parrot.

SAM

Ma, your a pirate.

CHARLOTTE

No, her’s a princess.

Sam:    No a pirate, ya ya ya ya ya

DAD

SHHHHHHHHH

SAM

ABCDEFGGGGG, HIG, LMNOPPPP, QRS, TUV, WXYN, ZZZZ (singing)

CHARLOTTE

12345678910111213 (singing)

MOM

That’s enough, no more singing!

SAM

Baa Baa (singing)

MOM

SAM!  No more singing!

SAM

Nooooooo!

MOM

Close your eyes.

SAM
Mom.

Mom
Quiet!

CHARLOTTE
(quietly) I wish I could talk to ghosts.

MOM
Um, why?

CHARLOTTE
Because I like it when I talk to friendly ghosts.

MOM
Have you ever met a ghost?

CHARLOTTE
Um, no.  Maybe I can be a ghost for Halloween!

MOM
Yeah, maybe you could be Princess Ghost with a crown!  Or a bear in a squid costume!

CHARLOTTE
Yeah!  Or maybe I could be a Squid!

MOM

(hurriedly singing) Night, night, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite, wear your socks and shoes, sweet dreams to you, and I love you.  And you, and you and you!

CHARLOTTE

I don’t want to ever hear that song again mama. 

Lights dim and while dad continues to rock one year old, mom makes a quick escape.  And so ends another typical night.