Baby has not had a BM since Wednesday. I’m not sure we noticed on Thursday, at least husband didn’t mention it but by Friday she was angry. I worked from home and by 11:30 left to visit a childrens store to pick up reference samples. Upon my return, husband announced she cried 40 minutes solid. He has finally rocked her to sleep and put her beside me while I wolf down Chick-Fil-A lunch. Just as he announces how cute she looks sleeping, she wakes up with a shrill scream. He blanches and dashes out the door to teach his afternoon class. I call after him to pick up some baby suppositories from Target on his way home.
Later that day -
Husband calls from Target and says the baby suppositories are for children ages 2+ unless doctor advises differently but the pharmacist has suggested Karo syrup. We try it out with slight misgivings that all the sugar will keep her up all night, nothing happens, she sleeps fairly well throughout the night, but no poo.
I wake up determined to make my baby crap. Husbands escapes for work around 9am and I call the doctor to find out if baby suppositories are okay for a 7.5 week old. She says yes and can also try a baby rectal thermometer covered in Vaseline. Quick inventory of supplies shows only ear and under arm thermometers. Thus begins the dance to prepare baby for outing to Target.
She’s cranky and threatening to create a huge disturbance so I prepare a bath. According to my very own stay at home dad, a bath is calming and relaxing and will put her to sleep. The prep for bath is an ugly crying fest and the bath is one long cry - she is not happy, NOT HAPPY!!! But I hum along knowing that post bath she will eat and fall asleep. This more or less happens - she’s mostly asleep as I buzz around the house, lock front door, pick up all cords of breast pump so Satan’s spawn the cat does not chew on the cords, prepare bottle, grab bib & run out the door.
I arrive at Target to find milk all over the seat - the entire bottle leaked into the bag. Frantically grab bag and pour water on a napkin, remove all milk from seat, notice pants are now wet as milk continues to ooze out of bag. Remove baby from car, grab purse and milk leaking bag and deposit all into cart. Baby is sleeping and continues to sleep as I shop, so cozy in fact that I stop for an iced decaf one splenda Latte at the in store Starbucks. La te da, I have a sleeping baby, what else can I buy?
Finally make way to check out where cashier completely ignores me as she whispers frantically into her mobile, one thousand dollars, she pales noticeably. I pile everything onto the counter, pay and struggle to get everything back into cart because she fails to push it down to the end of the counter and grab extra plastic bag to house milk leaking bag. The lady behind in line looks at me sympathetically and asks if I need help. No, I’m just so happy I have a sleeping baby!!!
On the drive home, she cries a little but it’s an 8 minute drive and somehow she falls asleep as we get home. Bring her in the house and she waits patiently in her car seat while I go back outside to haul the rest of my crap in the house. Unbundle baby from car seat and take into bedroom to lay on bed while I prepare the bathroom for what is certain to be a nasty explosion. Come back to bed and she is cheerfully kicking legs and arms so I wait a ½ hour for her to fully digest the last meal. Once she starts to scream, I remove clothing in preparation of inserting baby suppository. Just as I start to remove diaper I notice brown goo coming out the sides. Hurray! The karo syrup worked. Gross, nasty sticky poo is everywhere - I’ve never been so happy to see you. Baby is now sleeping peacefully for one full hour and I’ve had lunch, washed all bottles, emptied dishwasher, filled top half and wrote this blog!