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Saturday, February 13, 2010

It's really quiet here

Have you ever made a decision based on perfectly rational thoughts only to later find the emotional part of your brain was in the off position?

When husband's family asked if they could take Charlotte for two weeks to Texas I rationalized the benefits for them as well as us.

* In a pregnancy year I use up all vacation and sick days so it is unlikely we will visit TX this year so this will give Charlotte a chance to spend time with her Grand and great Grandparents.

* We have never really decorated or themed Charlotte's room and we've been planning a Toy Story cowboy/cowgirl theme even before we knew we were having a boy so this gives us a chance to paint the room and let it air out - 1-2 days of work.

* We inherited a new dining room table that needs refinished - 2 days of work

* We finished tile floors a few months before Charlotte was born but never finished all the trim work and this has been nagging us for 19 months or so - 2 days of work + possibly re-waxing the floors.

* The truck needs maintenance

* Garage needs cleaned out

That's just the top of the list for husband, I could keep going. My point is, he stays home with Charlotte Monday - Friday then works Saturday and Sunday so he has no time to do projects around the house. I have no time from working and staying with her Saturday - Sunday so logically this time is going to be well spent.

Personally I have taxes to file, mortgage refinancing to research, prep for baby boy's arrival, budget planning, family Will and Trust + it would be nice to get a pedicure, watch a few movies IN the theater and read a few books.

STILL nothing prepared me for the devastation I felt when the trip was booked for 18 days instead of the 12 I had agreed to. I was given the option to opt out of the trip but so much planning had been put into what we really want to do around the house that I agreed to the extra days that were tacked on for scheduling and cost reasons. I regret not offering to pay the difference just to bring her home after 2 weeks. I regret agreeing to two weeks instead of one. I regret not being more firm about the dates. I hate being separated from my baby for so long. I don't know if it's worse from losing one of the twins a week ago? I know I haven't had a chance to work through the grief from having a house guest the past 10 days.

Honestly I'm just desperate for things to go back to normal. "What is normal?", asked my husband, to which I replied "You, me, Charlotte, pregnancy, 3 cats, 1 dog, living in South Florida and loving our busy life".


Grit said...

my heart goes out to you there because i remember the first time i was separated from my little girls for just one night - part of me was itching to be back home with them... so much for the treat of the time out!

but there are positives here too! she needs to learn in a wide variety of contexts, and from this you may notice great things when you get her back. for you too, there are benefits to be had from a change in routines, pace and pressure; a chance to breathe and look around you (gulp... and do chores?!).

Anonymous said...

I have a hard time being seperated too. I hope you get all your plans done and life gets back to normal soon.

crazywildberry said...

I know I am posting late, and your time apart is either over or nearly over, however, LOUD MUSIC might help the silent not seem so. Just a little humor. Being separated is hard.