Tuesday, November 27, 2007
It was discussed at length for at least a year, but when we got right down to the moment it was a simple, do you want to? - uh sure let's see what happens. Immediately afterward I changed my mind and decided I needed to wait longer. Didn't have enough money, didn't feel ready. I immediately decided it could not have possibly have taken and went on with my life. Brother and wife came to visit for a week, followed by a busy few weeks of work. Suddenly, 2 days before my birthday I woke up at midnight in a cold sweat as I counted the days since my last period - I'm never late, every 3 weeks like clockwork. And I knew - I knew I was pregnant. The next day I bought a test on the way home, it didn't work. Nothing happened! No plus or minus. How aggravating. I went back to the drugstore to return the non-working test and bought another one. Quick search on the internet shows it's best to wait until the following morning because urine is more concentrated. I sleep badly, waking every hour to check the time. Finally at 6am I wake up without the alarm, take the test and find the word "pregnant" on digital reader. I stare in total alarm, I'm an adult, I'm 31 in fact, almost 32 but I find the entire idea so daunting and terrifying that I'm frozen in shock. I go over to wake husband. I simply shove him on the shoulder, he doesn't wake up so I push him harder while saying his name. He finally wakes up and I show him the digital reader, he freaks out and gets really excited, he's been ready for a long time. I'm thankful for his excitement but still feel so stunned I show no emotion. It's two weeks later, and I'm getting quietly excited as well. I still don't feel ready. My entire life is going to change.