Sunday, February 28, 2010

Thank God someone dragged my butt outside!!!

I've been an absolute hermit since Charlotte left (she's back in 2 days - woot)!!! This weekend an old friend from Pittsburgh came to visit so last night we had dinner - without a toddler! There's a novel thought. Then today we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel followed by a walk on the beach. So nice to get back to the beach which even at 65 is lovely with the sun shinning.

I do have some final things to wrap up on my list of things to do so the rest of the day will be spent refinishing floor around the computer desk and prepping the nursery closet doors for painting. Just glad I got a little outdoor time!!!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

This morning I slapped myself around a bit

hopped out of bed and went for a two mile walk. Sorry about my doldrums post of last night, slipping into murky obscurity is not an option.

I'm also trying to keep in perspective a blog post where a women hopes to get into a small accident that will put her in the hospital for a few days so she can get a break from her children - read it, it's provocative and made me think, hey maybe she needs my mother-in-laws phone number. They could exchange kids and she could get the break/gift I've been so grumpy about receiving.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I feel myself sliding into a murky sea of doldrums

When Charlotte is around I'm charged with a ton of energy - regardless of what's taken place that day. Coming home means play time for two hours before her bedtime at 8 and weekends are packed full of outdoor fun. I go to bed promptly at 10, get up at 6 or 6:30 to read a bit and then walk outside before spending time with her.

Without my daughter here, I'm staying up later, waking up later and I've stopped all form of exercise. Husband is begging me to walk or do yoga because he thinks I need to be healthy for the little guy but I'm just useless at this point.

One week left of this murky slide. Charlotte makes her grand return on March 2nd.

Monday, February 22, 2010


returns March 2nd, will my house be clean enough to justify her lengthy trip? Will we have the nursery done so we can say "hey we did this all for you"? I'm pretty sure I will never agree to a 2 week + 4 day trip ever again.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Update on my little dude

Had another doctor’s appointment on Thursday and surprisingly it only lasted 15 minutes! It’s nice to get back to quick appointments. His heartbeat is 158 beats per minute which is considered excellent and they took a standard blood test.

Next appointment is in one week with the other doctor who will do more ultrasound measurements and then we take a break from all doctors for 3 weeks! This means they consider our pregnancy to no longer be high risk and we fall back into a routine of visiting about once a month until the 30th week. It’s a nice little break considering all the prior appointments have been every 2 weeks and difficult.

He's started moving enough for me to feel it this past week. Very soft movements but it's reassuring.


Prior to Charlotte I spent most weekends alone. If memory serves correctly, and it's a bit fuzzy, I went to the beach regularly to read books, shopped and cleaned house. Sometimes husband had the day off and we'd do the same.

This is my second weekend alone and I still can't help but feel completely discombobulated. I'm getting a ton of cleaning done but don't want to spend any time outside because that's what I do with Charlotte. I feel like I need to be productive to make this worth it. People keep telling me to take time for myself - why? I don't want time to myself - it's too quiet. Besides, I like the challenge of seeking out "me time" when Charlotte is here. I wake up early at 6:30 or 6 and try to fit in my Bible study and morning walk before she gets up at 7. Then it feels like "me time", I've earned it by getting up early.

A friend once told me when I was pregnant with Charlotte that I would never be alone again. She's right, even with my daughter in TX I still feel connected, I feel alone in the physical sense but not alone in the connection I have with her.

Meanwhile, as husband works today, I'll keep plugging away on my lengthy chore list which has turned into an impressive feat of reorganizing every box that was stashed hurriedly into the garage when Charlotte made her early entrance into the world along with piles of other things that have collected dust because I was too busy running around with her outside.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Productive Week

I had no idea my house was so dirty - well maybe I did but with a toddler demanding full time attention AND getting involved in every little thing we do it prevents major cleaning projects and I've let many things slip. Pleased to say we are making huge strides in correcting 20 months of clutter.

Husband is mid-way through renovating the dining room table and painting the nursery. I'm mid-way through half a dozen reorganization projects which has resulted into open boxes all over the place - a forbidden act when toddler is around. In fact we've broken almost every toddler rule in the book. Locks have come off the doors, the printer is left out along with paper shredder and hazardous materials scattered through out in support of husband's projects. Somewhere in our rebellion against toddler rules we are finding satisfaction in getting stuff done.

Sunday, February 14, 2010


Calvary Chapel Fort Lauderdale
Paster Bob Coy

1. What are the reasons for Faith?
Romans 1:16-17
16For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.

17For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.

Reason - Faith - It's how I'm saved!

It's how we serve:
Jesus was impressed with the Centenarian's faith, we should want him to be impressed with our faith and marvel at the direction we are taking with our lives.

Matthew 5:16
16Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Something you can say when helping someone "God's really blessed my life so I just want to give back to him". Good Samaritans are a great thing.

This is an imperative thing, you have to have faith.

Question 2 - what ways can I find faith?
Hebrews 11:6
6But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
1. Education

Romans 10:17
17So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

2. Experience
How do you experience God in your life? Healing

Our kids are watching us take steps of faith. The Children of Israel took the steps of faith because they watched their family.

Question 3 - How do I display faith?

Watch what I do with your obedience.

Do not fear

So looking over at the promise land, that's my future over there.

You may not have a job because you haven't been a faithful employee.

You may not have growth in your job because you haven't been a productive employee. What if being more productive allows the company to make more money thus providing a potential raise?

Hebrews 11:1
1Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. KJV

1 Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. New Living Version

What's it going to be? Where are you going to step out in faith?

Last week I read the 10 commandments and realized my husband and I have been unfaithful with his work schedule. Since Charlotte's birth on June 19, 2008 we've worked a schedule of:
M-F I work full time while he stays home with Charlotte
S-S He works while I stay home with Charlotte

We took a reduction in take home pay with this schedule (he used to have a full time job) and we took on the additional expenses of having a child so this seemed like the only way to make our budget work.

For almost 20 months this has been our life and we've gotten used to this budget, comfortable even. Last week I was challenged by reading the following:
Exodus 2:8-11
8 Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.
9 For six days you shall labour and do all your work.
10 But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns.
11 For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.
I grew up knowing these commandments but somewhere in trying so hard to make our budget work and being new parents we forgot this.
This message about faith has given me the courage to redo our budget - even though we are expecting a second baby in July. By faith I believe we can find a way to live without his Sunday income.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

It's really quiet here

Have you ever made a decision based on perfectly rational thoughts only to later find the emotional part of your brain was in the off position?

When husband's family asked if they could take Charlotte for two weeks to Texas I rationalized the benefits for them as well as us.

* In a pregnancy year I use up all vacation and sick days so it is unlikely we will visit TX this year so this will give Charlotte a chance to spend time with her Grand and great Grandparents.

* We have never really decorated or themed Charlotte's room and we've been planning a Toy Story cowboy/cowgirl theme even before we knew we were having a boy so this gives us a chance to paint the room and let it air out - 1-2 days of work.

* We inherited a new dining room table that needs refinished - 2 days of work

* We finished tile floors a few months before Charlotte was born but never finished all the trim work and this has been nagging us for 19 months or so - 2 days of work + possibly re-waxing the floors.

* The truck needs maintenance

* Garage needs cleaned out

That's just the top of the list for husband, I could keep going. My point is, he stays home with Charlotte Monday - Friday then works Saturday and Sunday so he has no time to do projects around the house. I have no time from working and staying with her Saturday - Sunday so logically this time is going to be well spent.

Personally I have taxes to file, mortgage refinancing to research, prep for baby boy's arrival, budget planning, family Will and Trust + it would be nice to get a pedicure, watch a few movies IN the theater and read a few books.

STILL nothing prepared me for the devastation I felt when the trip was booked for 18 days instead of the 12 I had agreed to. I was given the option to opt out of the trip but so much planning had been put into what we really want to do around the house that I agreed to the extra days that were tacked on for scheduling and cost reasons. I regret not offering to pay the difference just to bring her home after 2 weeks. I regret agreeing to two weeks instead of one. I regret not being more firm about the dates. I hate being separated from my baby for so long. I don't know if it's worse from losing one of the twins a week ago? I know I haven't had a chance to work through the grief from having a house guest the past 10 days.

Honestly I'm just desperate for things to go back to normal. "What is normal?", asked my husband, to which I replied "You, me, Charlotte, pregnancy, 3 cats, 1 dog, living in South Florida and loving our busy life".

Friday, February 05, 2010

Joy mixed with pain

I didn't want to face this day but it happened. The doctor's have confirmed one heartbeat, which means baby B has passed. Yesterday's doctor visit was horrible but we made it to today where we got to visit the risky doctor who showed us Baby A is a BOY and very very healthy, looks great and has a better chance of getting big and healthy. We are very very lucky to have a surviving twin, so many woman face miscarriage and we have a second baby doing well. It's a mixed blessing.

It's been a tough two weeks waiting for today to come but our friends, family and fellow bloggers have made it easier with all their prayers and sweet comments.

It's important for me to remember baby B so I've found a sweet little necklace with a Bee impression in silver and a yellow jewel for the head. I'll wear this to remember my small child.