Sunday, February 21, 2010

Alone

Prior to Charlotte I spent most weekends alone. If memory serves correctly, and it's a bit fuzzy, I went to the beach regularly to read books, shopped and cleaned house. Sometimes husband had the day off and we'd do the same.

This is my second weekend alone and I still can't help but feel completely discombobulated. I'm getting a ton of cleaning done but don't want to spend any time outside because that's what I do with Charlotte. I feel like I need to be productive to make this worth it. People keep telling me to take time for myself - why? I don't want time to myself - it's too quiet. Besides, I like the challenge of seeking out "me time" when Charlotte is here. I wake up early at 6:30 or 6 and try to fit in my Bible study and morning walk before she gets up at 7. Then it feels like "me time", I've earned it by getting up early.

A friend once told me when I was pregnant with Charlotte that I would never be alone again. She's right, even with my daughter in TX I still feel connected, I feel alone in the physical sense but not alone in the connection I have with her.

Meanwhile, as husband works today, I'll keep plugging away on my lengthy chore list which has turned into an impressive feat of reorganizing every box that was stashed hurriedly into the garage when Charlotte made her early entrance into the world along with piles of other things that have collected dust because I was too busy running around with her outside.

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